Denial

As many of you know my Uncle passed away last week.  I've had a hard time knowing just how to grieve for this.  I haven't seen him for two years so not being able to see him isn't a new concept for me.  Everyone knows that to grieve is to feel pain so I've been avoiding facing the truth and trying to just consider things back 'home' the same as always.  So while in my denial I begin thinking of my Aunt, cousins, etc who don't have that option and think that somehow my survival technique is an unfair cop out to what their suffering through.  I was doing pretty well at being stoic until today when I read a poem that my cousin wrote in his honor:

A Poem for RJ

I'll never forget all those warm summer nights that followed the days of cold water fights.

Or the man at the center of every one, my dad's older brother, gramps oldest son.

you could see that big smile all over his face as his Harley pulled up to visit our place.

And it wasn't to long before he got hold of you and each of us knew what we had to do.

We cried,

Mercy mercy uncle J I think that's all I can handle today, I'll be ready for more when you come back again but until then I love you my friend.

I have never felt pain like I did on the day that I learned from my sister he had been taken away.

I fell to my knees and begged the lord please, don't let him be gone without one final tease.

I thought of my aunt and my cousins too, My heart swells with love and sorrow for you.

As we carried his body aloft in the air past the uniformed brothers and sister all there.

I thought of the times he held me in the air and tossed me higher than any would dare.

With a mind full of memories and soul of unrest I removed the flower that was pinned to my chest.

I placed it back on top of the box dyed tan, near the truest of banners "The most Wonderful Man"

And I cried,

Mercy mercy uncle J I think that's all I can handle today You'll be waiting for me when I come back again but until then I love you my friend.

~ Mark Walker~

I don't know what more I could add to express my sorrow for those of us left behind.  I know this poem was sent to me today to help me release the emotions I've been suppressing. Thanks, Mark.  I know RJ is in a better place.  He'll be sorely missed.  RJ, when it's my turn to die I fully expect you to be waiting there for me with a rib poking tickle to make me feel at home.

Rex J Walker 1951 ~ 2010 Rex J Walker, 58, of Pleasant Grove tragically passed away Thursday, May 20, 2010 from a fall while working at Timpanogos Cave. He died in the mountains where he loved to be. Rex was born May 30, 1951 in Coalville to Rex B and Margaret Stark Walker. He married Kathleen Hansen on August 7, 1970 and they were sealed for time and all eternity in the Manti Temple. Rex is survived by his wife Kathie of Pleasant Grove; four children: Jennifer (Mike) Bascom, Pleasant Grove; Lauresa (Brandon) Peterson, Grantsville; Jimmy Dan (Natalie) Walker, Monticello and Sherylen (Quin) Wilkerson, American Fork; 15 grandchildren; parents; siblings: Carolyn Winterton, Cheryl Hughett, Barry Walker, and Garry Walker.